WASTED YOUTH

Song of the Week: We Found Love; Rihanna.

2011-12-29T18:41:00.000-08:00

It’s like you’re screaming, and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.

The L Word.

2011-12-27T17:14:00.001-08:00

You can never teach a boy to love the way you wish to be loved. You have to wait for him to do it his own way at his own time. That's the saddest part of being a girl, because most of the time, that boy will never realise. But you can never teach a girl to love a boy back the way she did before if she has already grown tired of fighting for him, and waiting to be appreciated and loved the way she deserves. That's the saddest part of being an insensitive man.

The Dirty Thirty.

2011-12-24T15:01:00.001-08:00

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Source: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

It's That Time Of Year.

2011-12-21T15:52:00.000-08:00

I believe that life wouldn't throw all of these heartaches and hardships at us if the universe didn't already know that we can handle it. Beautiful people do not just happen, they are made. And one day we will look back on these days that were our youth and we'll laugh, we'll cry and we'll wish that we could rewind time and relive the good, and even the bad over again. Because it is these moments that are defining us right now and reminding us just how far we've come already. If that isn't reason enough to smile today, then I don't know what is.

The Modern Women's Guide To Being Boss in 2012:

2011-12-21T15:50:00.001-08:00

Keep your head, heels and standards high.

Always back up your phone.

Never kiss and tell.

Watch your drinks.

Let your past make you better, not bitter.

Chicks before dicks.

Use a tissue not Facebook.

If you sit down and act like a lady then more boys will stand up and be gentleman.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Judging only proves that you are ugly.

Stop complaining about your boyfriend. If you're not happy, leave.

Do not complain about not being loved if you haven't made yourself into somebody worth loving.

Always take your make up off after a night out.

Strive for a balanced life in every aspect.

Being single isn't a curse.

Just because somebody has hurt you in the past doesn't mean that you can hurt others.

Smile at strangers.

Never sacrifice your morals, beliefs or dignity.

When making decisions, write up a list of the pros and cons, tear the list up and follow your heart.

Laugh everyday - I'm talking about the laughter that makes your cheeks ache and your side burn.

Date somebody that makes you happy, not somebody who you feel obligated to "save".

You can't change shit people.

Everybody makes mistakes but it's how you rise after the fall that defines you.

If you don't respect yourself, then how do you expect others to?

Learn that there is a "time and a place" for everything.

Everything feels better by candlelight.

Love your family. Love your friends.

Fall in love, not in line.

But you must define yourself first before you can ever have the chance of being happy in a relationship.

2011-12-19T09:44:00.001-08:00

I distinctly remember the feeling you gave me. The electricity that shot through my body as your hand touched mine. I used to drown in a mass of emotions that would be cursing through my veins; happiness, peace, anxiety, hope and being torn between feeling perpetually safe in your arms and the fear of losing what we had. I spent years feeling like I could conquer the world with you, the way it felt to be infinite, but most of all, now, I remember how it felt the day it all went away. And all I ever wanted was all that I ever needed. Everytime I looked at you, and I can still see your face now, I would try to understand how you continued to love me like no other, even after all had been said and done, you still loved me for exactly who I was. You were the only person ever to do so.

You will always travel with me, even if we are now world's apart, for busy days will fade away but memories will always remain the same. I will never forget that morning you came home to seek refuge in my arms and made me promise over and over that I would always be there for you, unconditionally because that is what love is about. I promised it to you and I meant it from the bottom of my heart. Looking into your eyes that day, I realised that words are just bunches of letters but the real beauty lay in those moments spent staring into each others eyes. No words can do those feelings justice and that is what love is about.

There isn’t a moment of my day that isn’t spent wondering where you are, what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Even in the quiet of the night, when everything is still and i am nearly asleep, there’s a part of me that is still wondering. Often I imagine the worst has happened to you for that is the path you were heading down the last time our now individual paths crossed. I don't wish ill upon you, I never could do that, but there is always that nagging voice deep inside of me that warns me that the worst is more likely to happen with the life that now entwines itself around your heart.

Your smile is seriously the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You would always laugh and say that you couldn't smile properly, that your facial structure just wouldn't let you. But I still see your smile, the one that would sneak out at the height of our laughter, or when you caught me looking at you with adoration in my eyes. I miss that smile. It had the ability to stop my tears, and to calm me down even in the height of fury. Honestly, it can brighten up my whole day. Just looking at your beautiful face makes me want to pull you into my arms and hold you there forever. I love you so much. I always have, and I know that I always will.

But what you have taught me, most of all, is that sometimes, even most of the time, love just isn't enough.

The Game.

2011-12-19T09:39:00.001-08:00

We spend our lives convincing ourselves that we are happy, we pretend, we lie and we continue to fake it. Are we just trying to please those around us, or do we deep down hope that if we pretend for so long, that we will fool ourselves into oblivion? We begin in innocence, purity and with good intentions but in the end we all end up broken, beaten and on the floor. We hurt those closest to us, and we end up as the main players in this game of manipulation, this game of deceit and we torture ourselves because of it. We make our moves, have to live with our choices whether they be good or bad, and slowly whatever humanity that was left within us fades away. It is a game. And we are only in it to win. There is no prize and there is no finish line. We just continue dancing around each other in this vicious cycle, and in the end we don't even remember how it all begun, we struggle to recall what we are even still playing for.

You can spend your life trying to right your wrongs, but redemption is a killer. You can try to run away but in the end we discover that we'll only ever be running from ourselves. When the road less travelled reaches the edge of the world, all that's left is to jump... we can build our wings on the way down.

Song of the Week: Castle Walls (TI feat. Christina Aguilera)

2011-12-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

"Castle Walls"
(feat. Christina Aguilera)

[Christina Aguilera]
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

[T.I.]
Observing the estate through the gate from the outside looking in
Bet you would think I got it made, better look again
I got a butler, got a maid, and a mansion
The belief is that I'm living out a millionaires fantasy
With phantoms and Ferrari's in the driveway
But you see it came in exchange of the same man's sanity
Your vision jaded by the grammy's on the mantelpiece
Just switch your camera lenses you would see the agony
Apparently it's damaging the man you see before you
On the canvas he may seem alright but all the disadvantages his family
Encounters overpowers his extravagance
Walk in my nines awhile I dare you
While it really seems like the kings life ain't glamorous
As seen through the eyes of untrained amateurs
Because the camera's doesn't see beyond the walls of the smiles
Only counts until it falls in the pile

[Christina Aguilera]
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

[T.I.]
Honestly to me, I think I'd lose every benefit of all that I've accomplished
If my kids never win at shit
Me knowing this, why should the verses I have laid
Be more important to me than the persons I have raised
I guess I'm saying that to say that opportunity
But they just don't equate to all the time they take away
From the kids all the shit I did right is a mistake
If deyjah end up a stripper and major slinging yay
How could I ever consider myself a great
If messiah ain't paid and nique nique ain't straight
Would your favorite song about the whips, money and shit
Be relevant if you found out, the money wasn't real, nope
So me being the goat shouldn't mean more to me
Than see it to a king though
From a bad ass kid to man with some dough
Otherwise I may well have stayed poor
So while they stay focused on me beefin with flip,
Shawty low, Gucci or Ludacris
Or if I'm fucking with a hoe
Did I snitch when I got arrested or will I die over nonsense
Internally I'm dealing with this conflict
So excuse me if I don't get the chance to kiss the hand
Or slap me in the face, ay I, m just the man
If they saying I ain't the best at making hit records
It's cause this my life these ain't just rapping
shit, you think of that deep, did ya dawg
See you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls
Bitch ain't thinking with the deep, did ya dog
Cause see you can't see the castle through the walls till it falls

[Christina Aguilera]
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

Nobody knows I'm all alone
Living in this castle made of stone
They say that money is freedom but I feel trapped inside it all
And while I sit so high up on a throne
I wonder how I can feel this low
On top of the world it's beautiful
But there's no place to fall

[T.I.]
For the record ay, I give a damn if I never said shit again
My career was meant for me to come and tell it
Honest interpretation of how affected I'm faced with
Matters most rappers used to keep locked away in the basement
The day that I walk I ain't saying that I'm amazing
Down playing the way I keep fellas from catching cases
Won't take into consideration how much it mean what I'm saying
And when I say what I mean even when I'm surrounded by the fakers
From one of the greatest centers, blessed with most of god's graces
Who made his way amongst the greatest from the grimiest places
So next time you rating royalty, I'm always being given to recordings than the level
Of your loyalty, obvious you've been ignoring me
Who else ya seen make it through the storm, unharmed disjointed
While all the critics was looking for prince charming
Disregarded the king of the south raised doubt
Even though he made a castle out of used to be a house
He did shit that all your favorites rappers only rap about
But most of y'all don't see the castle through the walls
And the smiles till it falls in piles so while...

[Christina Aguilera]
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls

1+1.

2011-12-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people will turn up in your life unexpectedly, but in retrospect you could not have imagined it any other way. They open your eyes to a new way of life and bring so much substance and change that you so desperately craved but hadn't realised until now. There's an element of safety you have come to find when you're around them. You smile when your message tone sings and their name pops up on the screen. They fascinate you and leave you feeling so intrigued, craving more time to pick their brain and discover their strengths, weaknesses, hopes, fears and dreams. Some will only stay for a fleeting moment but you know that you will never be the same again, and some will stay by your side for what seems like eternity and then some. These types of people are few and rare, but when they catch your eye and smile, your world just lights up. So take that person by the hand and learn how to really live together. Go on spontaneous adventures, write each other letters, climb trees, look at the world with the innocence of a child and laugh. Laugh until your sides ache and your cheeks burn. Hold hands, roll around in bed and do nothing in particular, make each other mixtapes and slowdance together. Sit on the end of the boardwalk and share secrets all afternoon and as the sun slowly sets, come to realise what beauty lies in the world itself. It's the little moments that count. It's moments and people like these that I live for.

Hearts will never be made unbreakable and everybody is damaged in some way. Life is about finding those people who make you feel alive again and in return, you take their hand and show them how to live.

Inspiration.

2011-12-15T20:15:00.005-08:00

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn’t you wish that you could go back in time when everything was simpler and carefree? Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives. The ones that bring back our childhood, best friends, first love, first broken heart and all the memories.

You know what the best feeling in the world is? The feeling that nothing can touch you. The feeling that you are going to be okay. The feeling that everything is going to stay just how it is, and the feeling of being excessively and overly happy. The times when you’re gasping for air from laughing, or nearly in pain from smiling so much. When you’re with your friends, and you know this is how it’s supposed to be. I love those times, and I love that feeling. That’s what life is truly about. Forgetting the bad, and getting lost in the good.

Broken Strings.

2011-12-15T20:15:00.001-08:00

He lived his life believing that he had never been good enough for her. He was plagued with thoughts as to why she didn't appear interested. Why he kept slipping down the rungs of her priority list and yet, why he still longed for her touch, to feel her tiny frame moving next to him listlessly in her sleep, and why she could never seem to say those words to him that he so desperately wished, and needed, to hear. Boy, you were too easy to fall in love with. That's why this girl closed herself off before she had even a chance to feel for you. Blood, sweat, tears and years had gone into constructing these walls which now kept her safe and you began to crumble them so she retreated in fear. She couldn't change being hurt again and those deep-seeded memories of lovers past were finally fading into the darkness that she had been running away from for so long now. She felt that she was almost free again. Without emotion there is no hurt. But in the end, all she did was find out how much more she could really hurt.

And now she has said those few words that he needed to hear but it's too late now and what's done is done, and all that once was has come undone.

Marry The Night.

2011-12-12T12:05:00.001-08:00

When I look back on my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened; it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest, because I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics. They can be lost forever. It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting and as the artist of that painting, I must fill in all the ugly holes and make it beautiful again. It’s not that I’ve been dishonest; it’s just that I loathe reality.

- Lady Gaga; Marry The Night intro.

Song of the Week: Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum.

2011-12-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

Translation Through Time.

2011-12-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk.
When he is best he is a little worse than a man, and when he is worst he is little better than a beast.
And the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall make shift to go without him.

The Merchant of Venice; Act I, Scene II. Shakespeare.

RIP John Lennon.

2011-12-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

- John Lennon; musician, activist, inspiration and dreamer.

Song of the Week: Fireflies; Light Messengers (Saosin)

2011-12-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

Perhaps when we meet in a next life, our souls will be rested and ready to forgive. I can only hope that time treats you kindly. That's my only wish.

Home.

2011-12-07T23:58:00.000-08:00

I just want to go home, but I'm not even sure where that is.
It's like I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
I want what I cannot have. My faith lies with the imaginary.
I push away what's good for me, in favour of grasping the intangible.
I don't understand the very thing which I created.
I'm in love with this character I conjured; not with an existing being.
Now I'm clinging to fabricated memories. My life is one big lie.
You cannot lose what you never had.
Nothing feels real anymore. And life is slipping away.
Why do we all so desperately throw ourselves headfirst into this pursuit of temporary happiness?
The euphoric highs and the self-deprecating lows.
I lose myself in a haze of mistakes and regrets, whisky and cigarettes.
I don't belong here - not in this city, not in this world nor this lifetime.
My heart is empty, my spirit is broken and my soul yearns to be set free.

Old Souls.

2011-12-07T11:59:00.001-08:00

Do you have that one person whose face always appears when you close your eyes?
Your hearts collided, even if only for the briefest moment, but you were never the same again.
There is that one person who will always remain hidden away deep within your heart.
You would give up everything just to rewind time back to that beautiful moment that you spent together.
When you pass by each other, even now, when your eyes meet there is that glint and within that gaze lies the key that could unlock all of the secrets.
Despite where you both are now in your separate lives, deep down it is known that one day your lives will carve a path back to each other.
It isn’t destiny. Nor is it love.
It is just a connection between two lost souls who sought comfort and through this discovered each other.
There will be no memorials built to honour us, and it will not rival the great love stories.
But one day we’ll search for each other again. Because I know that I need you.
You’re the only one who understands me. And I, you.

++

2011-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

My society told me to drink my milk so I would grow big and strong, and that I should go to school to find where I belong. But milk makes me sick, and school wants to conform every last drop of magic in which my soul was born.

So why do we trust that in which we do not question.
To flavour cool just stick a needle in the right direction.
How do you kill the thing you have come to hate, when you become the product of a popular culture fate?

- Jess Origliasso

May Angels Lead You In.

2011-12-07T11:05:00.001-08:00

I am trapped within this dark space. I have been here for so long now that I'm afraid to leave for i have grown accustomed to the familiarity in the same way a child latches onto their security blanket. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of a better world but i am always shot back down before my conscious can be coaxed away from this darkness. This space that engulfs me is menacing and relentless but at the same time it forms the only loyalty and comfort that I have ever known. So this is where I remain. Nobody knows. Nobody sees past my mask. And nobody will ever find me here. I'm just a lost soul. Yet I still battle with this one thought; do I hide my demons so well that people do not see, or do they notice but just don't care about me?

I can still feel you lying next to me. I still feel your light breath on the back of my neck as we drift off to sleep. I swear I felt you stir in your slumber but when I rolled over with hope, all that was left was the cold, empty spot where you once lay. I'm staring into the darkness when I just want to look into your eyes. In falling down together, all we die was fall apart. I can't follow you if you won't lead. And you cannot rescue what isn't lost. Would you save me? Would I save you? How did we end up worlds apart when we were side be side? I can still sense you here with me. I know that feeling all too well, so please stay with me tonight. If I will only see you when I close my eyes then I will sleep forever.

Hearts Collide.

2011-12-07T06:05:00.001-08:00

Do you have that one person whose face always appears when you close your eyes?
Your hearts collided, even if only for the briefest moment, but you were never the same again.
There is that one person who will always remain hidden away deep within your heart.
You would give up everything just to rewind time back to that beautiful moment that you spent together.
When you pass by each other, even now, when your eyes meet there is that glint and within that gaze lies the key that could unlock all of the secrets.
Despite where you both are now in your separate lives, deep down it is known that one day your lives will carve a path back to each other.
It isn’t destiny. Nor is it love.
It is just a connection between two lost souls who sought comfort and through this discovered each other.
There will be no memorials built to honour us, and it will not rival the great love stories.
But one day we’ll search for each other again. Because I know that I need you.
You’re the only one who understands me. And I, you.

Scars and Stories.

2011-12-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

You can build walls to keep out the sadness, but at the same time, those very walls are the ones that are keeping the joy out. But how are we so deserving of joy when we've spent our better years hurting those whom we declared to have loved? My entire life has been one of denial, fuelled by lies and an immoral fabrication of our lives, only believing what I wanted to so badly believe. This whole web of lies has finally caught up on me, and on those who were in it with me. Eventually the truth will always come out but this time I'm not sure if the truth will ever set us free. We are all as bad as each other, just in different ways.

I've been hurt, lied to and betrayed in incredible proportions but that doesn't give me the right to return this. Yet, I still did.

Song of the Week: So Goodbye (Chester See)

2011-12-06T22:56:00.000-08:00

so THIS is the last song I sing to you
it's TIME I be a man and I face the truth
LIES are the tears in your eyes
i WON'T waste the time or the breath on you
to EXPLAIN things you'd think you already knew.

A Day Without Laughter.

2011-12-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

Karma will always return tenfold. I am living proof of this. It's been one of those nights where I sit up and think about all of the god things that I have done, and all of the bad things. The negativity trumps any positivity that I once had, and I wonder at what point it all went wrong. I'm not much of a good person anymore, perhaps I never was. But then, how does one define a 'good person?' Everybody has dirty little secrets and if nobody ever finds out, then that person isn't judged, and never taken revenge upon by those affected. Yet, those who lay their stories out on the table or whose life is under constant scrutiny from those around them, then karma is far more quick to return.

Elle Oh Vee Ee.

2011-11-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

i want a love so fragile that you’re compelled to nurture it from the very first flutter,

one that you feel you must caress ever so delicately for fear of fracturing it.

but i wish for this love to be so sturdy and fearless that it may withstand the wildest of weathers and emotions,

a love so fierce that it breaks down boundaries and forges a new path all of its own.

i wish for a love so bold that it brings the world to its knees,

a love so intriguing that the stories will outlive the lovers themselves.

i wish for a love so deep and ancient that mountains move,

yet a love so true and pure that the sky opens up at the very call of its name.

i wish for a love so real that a moment without it would cause the earth to crumble from underneath,

i wish for a love so profound that if it was ever lost my heart would be torn apart,

and my body would be forever left as an empty vessel floating throughout eternity.

Failure is not an option.

2011-11-28T07:22:00.000-08:00

I've Learned.

2011-11-26T21:40:00.001-08:00

I've learned that sometimes love just isn’t enough.

I've learned that I may be broken, but I'll never be defeated.

I’ve learned that words cause more damage than fists. Cuts heal, bruises fade but words stay in your heart forever.

I’ve learned that one person can destroy you in the space of four words.

I've learned that sometimes you have to be apart from somebody in order to realise just how much you do need them in your life.

I’ve learned that being emotionless is possible; that moment where there is a void left inside of you where something used to be. You can’t cry, you feel no anger, no emotions… you just feel… nothing. But this will never last forever.

I’ve learned that despite interventions from friends, sometimes you can only just continue down that path of self-destruction. But I’ve learned that when you reach the end and collapse into a heap from exhaustion, those loved ones will still be by your side to pick you back up. Even if they do mutter “I told you so” under their breath.

I’ve learned how resilient people can be and that it's true, when you feel like you can't possibly take it anymore, keep fighting because you're only halfway there.

I’ve learned how much loyalty can grow in one’s heart; that notion that you will be there by their side no matter what does exist. “Forever” really is a promise.

I’ve learned that those “three words/eight little letters” are meaningless if spoken aloud. They have to be seen, proven and felt to be believed. But they are so real.

I’ve learned that once you’ve done one bad thing you can never be viewed as a good person again. Redemption can take a lifetime; if not longer.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that life should, in fact, have a soundtrack.

I’ve learned just how much one person can touch your heart.

I’ve learned that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that sometimes no matter how hard you try to keep the faith; sometimes you’ve just got to give up on some people. They’re not even worth another second of time.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. It’s human nature – nobody’s perfect.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that if more people took the time to lie on a rooftop and watch the stars go by, they would find the answers they so desperately seek.

I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that no matter what your family will always be there for you; even after being unappreciated and neglected, they’ll be there by your side.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I've learned that there are three solutions to every problem:

Accept it. Change it. Leave it.

If you can't accept it, change it. If you can't change it, leave it.

And I’ve learned that world peace isn’t an option as long as politicians are still dropping bombs.

Peace begins with you and I finding peace within ourselves.

Journey On, My Dear.

2011-11-26T09:13:00.001-08:00

I just want to go home, but I'm not even sure where that is.
It's like I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
I want what I cannot have. My faith lies with the imaginary.
I push away what's good for me, in favour of grasping the intangible.
I don't understand the very thing which I created.
I'm in love with this character I conjured; not with an existing being.
Now I'm clinging to fabricated memories. My life is one big lie.
You cannot lose what you never had.
Nothing feels real anymore. And life is slipping away.
Why do we all so desperately pursue temporary happiness?
The euphoric highs and the self-deprecating lows.
I lose myself in a haze of mistakes and regrets, whisky and cigarettes.
I don't belong here - not in this city, not in this world nor this lifetime.
My heart is empty, my spirit is broken and my soul yearns to be set free.

Song of the Week: My Love - Sia.

2011-11-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

Caterpillar Dreams.

2011-11-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

We have voices, stories, plans, dreams and ideas. We have hope. We will wake up tomorrow to a day that has never been known. We are living a life that has never been lived.
We are here for a reason. We exist to love and be loved. Things do change and storms will always bring a rainbow.
After all these months, all this time, so much has happened. If I were to look back on them, I would never have believed that, that person was once me. I wouldn't recognise that girl because she's so different from who I am today. But I guess changing and moving on is growing up, I'm finding out what kind of person I want to be. I haven't been a very good person, perhaps I never was. But I know the future brings many changes to come. As for right now, I'm on my way to being somebody who I'm proud to be.

Switch.

2011-11-26T06:44:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wish I could just turn it all off. I wish I didn’t feel anything, for you, for anything and anyone. Because feelings hurt. The moment you let your emotions take control, you’re fucked. I suppose you just have to decide whether it’s all going to be worth it or not, the troubles that come with love. Because of course, he’s going to hurt you. But if you really believe that in the end you will come out of it alive, together, then by all means go for it. I just hope that it all turns out well for you. The way I wished it would work out for me.

Universal.

2011-11-26T06:35:00.001-08:00

Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand.

It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust.

You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded, because the elements – the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life – weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode.

So, forget Jesus. Forget God. Forget anything you were ever told.

The stars died so that you could be here today.

Source: Lawrence M. Krauss

We Shall Forget.

2011-11-26T06:07:00.000-08:00

And I remember it all.

I remember what shirts you wore, I remember the first text you sent to me. I remember your laughter, your smell, I remember the exact day of our first kiss. I remember every feeling I felt, I remember all the hopes I had, I remember everything I gave up.

I remember how my life changed, I remember the things you said, I remember the first time you whispered those three words. I remember your shy smile, the way you played with my hair, the way you held me so tight I couldn’t breathe but I loved it more than anything else.

I remember our first kiss, I remember the way your face looked so close to mine, I remember the way my fingers fit so perfectly into yours. I remember everything about you; your perfect hair and your gorgeous face and the way you could never do anything wrong.

But I also remember the last day, the last kiss, the last text. I remember all the tears I cried, I remember feeling worthless, I remember waiting by my phone for a text that never came. I remember the lack of explanation, I remember being shoved away like I never meant anything to you at all.

I remember feeling used and broken and like nobody understood, especially not you. I remember wondering how you could know everything about me, how I could give you every single piece of me and still not be enough for you. I remember each thing that made me smile, and each thing that made me cry.

I remember thinking about you, dreaming about you, and wishing for you. I remember believing with all my heart that it would happen, expecting forever, and having my forever cut short. I remember drifting away from you, and drifting back to this relationship we like to call a friendship.

But you and me, we can never be friends.

There’s always been something more in the way we look at each other, and you know it.

So here I am, looking at you, feeling all the emotions I’ve always felt when I look at you. I know we can never have back what we had before, but maybe we can start something new.

I love you. No, I loved you.

But I still remember.

Tell me you remember, too.

Kryptonite.

2011-11-26T05:58:00.001-08:00

There is always that one person who just explodes into your life unexpectedly and makes you wonder how you had ever survived life without them. You continue on loving them unconditionally through the good, the bad and the worse. and in the end, whether you grow together or grow apart, you both realise that no matter what, you have become each other's kryptonite. I have three of these people in my life and all I can say is that one day this all will have been worth it, even if it is in another life.

Choose Life.

2011-11-26T05:57:00.000-08:00

In life, we always have choices.

Even in the face of the greatest difficulties, we make a choice to be a victim or a creator.

The victim asks: Why me? She spends her time crying, complaining, and feeling sorry for herself. She assigns blame as much as possible. She blames, God, luck, fate, the people around her. She falls into a weeping mess and refuses to move forward. She wallows in her losses & defeats.

The victim chooses darkness over light. She chooses suffering over hope. She chooses weakness over strength. She chooses fear over beauty.

The creator says: Thank you. She cries when she needs to cry and then she picks herself up. She takes her pain and she transforms it into light, love, & wisdom. She thanks God, luck, fate, and the people around her for allowing her to shine. She keeps her head up & always moves forward. She learns from her mistakes & becomes greater for them.

The creator chooses light over darkness. She chooses hope over suffering. She chooses strength over weakness. She chooses beauty over fear.

Today I am making the choice to be a creator. What about you?

Pricetag.

2011-11-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

Every person has a price.
We are all controllable, disposable, replaceable, forgettable.
I once thought this to be inconceivable, but it's now sadly believable.
And for the insatiable boy with no heart who made this achievable...
He shot himself in his foot, and put one in her head, one in her heart.
Only when they were together were they unbreakable, indestructible, untouchable.
Because in the end it's impossible to lose something you never had.

Two Words. Seven Letters. One Lifetime.

2011-11-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

Videotape.

2011-11-23T12:50:00.001-08:00

I believe in love, lust, sex and romance.

I don't want everything to add up to the perfect equation.

I want mess and chaos.

I want somebody to go crazy, out of his mind for me.

I want to feel passion and heat, and madness.

I want to do things without question.

Protect me and destroy me. I want it all.

I want to fuck your soul.

Timeline.

2011-11-22T08:31:00.001-08:00

She is standing in a crossroads, amidst the two paths in her life. She realises she is stuck between both worlds, as an outcast. Never fitting one or the other. Her body belongs to one path, her spirit to the other. She realises she will never really know which path is right for her. Her heart only tells her one thing; her spirit will last much longer than her body ever could.

C'est Moi.

2011-11-21T00:11:00.000-08:00

I read this for the first time just the other day and I got chills down my spine. This is me, in literary form:

You are the most dangerous kind of female the world can ever know. you carry the seeds for your own destruction and the destruction of everyone who loves you. A great many will love you for your beautiful face, for your seductive body; but you will fail them all because you will believe they all fail you first.

You are an idealist of the worst kind - the romantic idealist.

Born to destroy and self destruct.

- V. C. Andrews.

White Flag.

2011-11-18T07:44:00.001-08:00

So this is my goodbye to you.

My heart is in tatters and my soul is waving that white flag. The world could be burning down but I am too tired to notice. I don't see colour anymore, the world is in shades of grey. I don’t hear the birds sing, I don't feel the butterflies and I miss these, more than you could ever imagine. We were a formidable team but I am nothing now, but it is better than being two broken people clinging to the familiarity of each other. I now know that there is nothing left inside of me, I am but an empty shell resembling a fragile young girl. I don't blame you for my emptiness, it is the result of many years and many people but you have left me here, in the darkness with nothing but fading memories and shattered hope. I hope that you find everything that you are looking for. I can only keep wishing you that.

Musings.

2011-11-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

I just want to go home, but I'm not even sure where that is.
It's like I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
I want what I cannot have. My faith lies with the imaginary.
I push away what's good for me, in favour of grasping the intangible.
I don't understand the very thing which I created.
I'm in love with this character I conjured; not with an existing being.
Now I'm clinging to fabricated memories. My life is one big lie.
You cannot lose what you never had.
Nothing feels real anymore. And life is slipping away.
Why do we all so desperately pursue temporary happiness?
The euphoric highs and the self-deprecating lows.
I lose myself in a haze of mistakes and regrets, whisky and cigarettes.
I don't belong here - not in this city, not in this world nor this lifetime.
My heart is empty, my spirit is broken and my soul yearns to be set free.

I'm starting a new chapter, leaving behind the negativity and all of those toxic people who drove me into the ground and ended up turning me into somebody who I am ashamed to have been. There is always time to change though, I believe in redemption and in the power of love. This is my new beginning, best made with my dear old friends who came and never left my side.

I learned that, quite simply, people should say what they mean and mean what they say... everything else can be solved with a dance battle.

If you don't like the way somebody is, nobody is forcing you to keep them in your life. Complaining only brings unwanted negative energy. Accept that there are some things and some people that you cannot change, no matter how hard you try. So just leave it - it is their own problem now, not yours.

Remember that everybody you meet has a future and a past. Everybody is fighting their own battles. There will always be somebody worse off than you, but everybody has to feel sorry for themselves every so often. Let your friends go through this, but be there when they're ready to live again. And once you regain your strength, you'll come to understand the lesson that was entwined into even your darkest of hours.

Embrace change, take a chance, gain new perspective, never lose your sense of humour and laughter really is the best medicine. Everybody dies, but not everybody lives. It's your choice.

And lastly, the hardest thing you'll ever have to do is say goodbye to people, especially those that you love. Some are taken too soon from us and other people will leave by their own choice, hurting us in the process. People will always come into your life and every single person contributes to the person that you are. It's sad when friendships and relationships come to an end but appreciate the happiness that they brought you, be thankful for the opportunity you had to love and be loved, and remember that some things will end so that even better ones can begin.

Cherish the moments that made your heart sing. And draw strength and knowledge from the times of hardship.

All you need to believe is that life is too short to be anything but beautiful and happy.

Never let the sun set on an argument and believe in yourself.

+

2011-11-15T23:57:00.001-08:00

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Years passed us by.

And then just as things were falling together, we fell apart.

Life works in mysterious ways.

My best years are yet to come.

Remember my name.

I may be little, but I dream big.